Marry yourself ?

17 Nov 2023·14 min to read
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You may have heard of terms like Polygamy or Monogamy and probably know or have an idea of what they both mean, but have you ever heard of the term Sologamy?

Sologamy, also known as autogamy, is when a person marries himself or has a wedding ceremony in which they marry themselves. It is believed this trend started when Linda Baker, an american wome, got married herself in 1993.

These types of weddings can be extravagant occasions with up to forty bridesmaids, but none of them have been legally approved by any authority, religious or secular organization. A close friend or relative is requested to officiate the event, and everyone is invited to join and have fun.

A self-marriage ceremony may be practically identical to a typical wedding, complete with guests, a cake, and a reception. Before the marriage, some self-marriage programs offer instruction, practice, and support. There have been countless reports of people doing spoof ceremonies over the years, from Japan to Italy, Australia, and the UK.

There are now entire businesses devoted to assisting people in organizing their solo gatherings. The act has also served as the theme for episodes of well-known US TV shows like Glee and Sex and the City.

How does one arrive at the desire to wed oneself?

The idea of being able to marry yourself has recently become very popular in the 21st century. More and more people are now considering marrying themselves, especially because the option is available but would have been considered impossible or senseless back in the day.

Nowadays, people are choosing to marry themselves for many different reasons, with failed relationships being mentioned as one of the main factors as to why single people are choosing to make this decision. But overall, sologamy, according to proponents, is about self-love, acceptance, and seeking the social affirmation that is typically only given to married couples.

Although there are no official statistics on those who choose to wed themselves, the interest comes at a time when the OECD reports that the number of single people is at record highs in several industrialized economies.

Meanwhile, the actor Emma Watson's recent description of her romantic status in an interview with British Vogue helped the phrase "self-partnered" become part of popular culture. Publicly announcing one is self-partnered or self-married might be enough to challenge gender norms.

Contradicting the idea that a relationship is essential to define one's identity is one approach to challenge traditional gender roles.

Sologamy is a commitment to offering to yourself what you frequently want from others and a statement of self-compassion. The goal is to commit to loving yourself completely for the rest of your life, caring for your own heart in the same regard that you would care for someone else's according to many supporters of the trend.

However, to some, solo weddings are a self-indulgent act with narcissistic tendencies performed by selfish people perceived as being critical of typical two-person marriages. But supporters, in their defense, have said that self-care is not being selfish, solo weddings are not by nature egocentric or approval-seeking. 

Self-marriage is not about rejecting romantic love from others but instead, it is about acknowledging our good and bad traits and giving self-care top priority in order to build stronger bonds with both ourselves and others in the future.

The increase in Sologamy due to the Pandemic

Numerous singles around the world are adopting "sologamy" and pledging to love one another indefinitely. Since the release of COVID-19, the trend, which had been on the increase over the previous decade, has accelerated as singles, weary from online dates and bolstered by months of homebound self-discovery, have embraced outward expressions of self-love.

According to psychologist Ieva Kubiliute, With more time spent at home alone, people chose new strategies to respect themselves and promote self-compassion. Conducting a sologamy ceremony can be the ideal technique to improve self-compassion and value yourself to the fullest.

Researchers have said they began to notice a greater emphasis on self-love during the pandemic as many people were left in isolation or couples found their relationships tested living in close quarters.

In the past, people either viewed self-love as a self-indulgent idea, similar to taking a bubble bath. However, the pandemic compelled a lot of introspection and the understanding that, ultimately, we are our own best friends and that, in order to have meaningful relationships, we must first feel at ease with ourselves first.

Many do this as a celebration of liking and accepting themselves and as a realization that they dont need a romantic partner in order to be content with themselves.

The popular news site USAToday wrote an article on the increasing popularity of Sologamy and quoted the popular lines of the famous late singer Whitney Houston "Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all" and said it represented the mood of the movement. 

Being honest to yourself is part of living your best life now. Regardless of how it relates to the ingrained conventions of society, loving oneself, is the ultimate manifestation of self-love for a rising number of people, mostly women.

Although it isn't legally binding like a traditional marriage, there are no international laws that forbid it. Sologamy isn't a committed, legal relationship. You are not eligible for a tax relief and are not prevented from getting married again in the future. Marrying oneself could appear a little pretentious at first. However, proponents assert that rather than being narcissistic, it is a sentimental act of self-belief.

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Sologamy is the result of a Narcissistic society

According to some researchers, a narcissistic culture is the cause of the rise of self-marriages.

The bitter fruit of the misinterpretation of human nature is now being seen in the second decade of the twenty-first century, after years of advocating individualism and the number one mentality.

Each sologamist has different reasons for doing so. Some people pursue it in order to challenge conventional standards, while others do so in order to love or complete themselves, or as part of an alternative reality. All of these explanations, nevertheless, highlight deeper problems with the culture: a lack of affection, and the development of a self-centered worldview.

Some criticise it as egocentric, while others argue that it is simply a useless act of deference to a patriarchal institution but supporters say being married to oneself has nothing to do with vanity or affection. 

Self-weddings don't involve a glitzy celebration of selfies and glitter. By making the commitment to love yourself deeply, sologamy makes one's emotions more readily available for acceptance and comprehension of others. You can connect with people more easily if you learn to value who you are instead of feeling insecure.

Same-self marriage is in some ways the logical progression of the cultural phenomenon that cultural analyst Christopher Lasch outlined in his 1979 best-seller The Culture of Narcissism. Lasch used the word to describe the grandiosity and excessive self-love that seem to characterise not only post-1960s American society as a whole but also psychologically disturbed individuals.

Greek mythology's Narcissus was a charming young man who won the hearts of all the lovely women. But Narcissus chose to focus on being attractive over their devotion. He kneeled to drink at a crystal-clear pool of water one day as he was strolling through the woodland. He fell in love with himself right away since he was so mesmerised by his own reflection in the pool but then died.

Narcissism, then, is an obsession with oneself, one's looks, and how others perceive you. According to psychoanalytic theory, narcissistic features include a lack of empathy and an inability to maintain happy relationships.

But this idea is refuted by supporters who say, solomancy offers a small shift in societal mindset by implying that settling down is only another way of living and that there are, in fact, many avenues for happiness.

Learning how to be entirely happy on your own is a crucial life skill. Unfortunately, society has long-standing prejudices against those who are romantically single; this can result in relationships that are not healthy. Without realising it, you may wish away your life searching for the one. 

Self-marriage covers the idea that living alone is an option, whether it be for a little amount of time, throughout different stages of life, or for the most of your adult life. It is empowering to seek out alone and relish your own company, even if you are in a relationship.

Sologamy is not the rejection of meaningful relationships

Many have stated that Sologamy marriage does not mean single forever and that sologamists are still open to the idea of being in a relationship.

When you wed yourself, you establish a benchmark for what a fulfilling relationship should be, which implies that you won't accept second best. When you're confident and content, you can see what you're worth and form more giving, satisfying connections. Only until you have mastered self-love can you truly love another person. If you are happily single, looking for a spouse, or in a long-term relationship with someone else, you can still have a solo wedding.

So basically, a self-marriage ceremony is helpful in order to benefit from deep introspection, live in accordance with your beliefs, honour yourself, and commit to self-love in order to reap benefits in your romantic life and beyond, according to supporters of the trend who want to be able to learn self love before committing to loving someone else. 

Sologamists have stated that you might hear people refer to them as crazy, they say you might have a few trolls who tell you that its because you're ugly or picky, and nobody wants you. But because they don't fit into any established framework or in the known standards of society, fresh ideas are frequently written off as crazy. You won't hurt anyone by getting married to yourself, and you won't look back on it later and have regrets.

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Christian views and Sologamy

Marriage has traditionally been viewed in the Christian tradition as a lifelong, conjugal covenant between a man and a woman, a union of love that entails dedicating oneself to God and to others. The institution of marriage, which has thrived not only among Christians but also within many other religious traditions around the world, is currently under attack from a variety of perspectives and practises. 

All of these were previously thought to be detrimental to people succeeding in society. These behaviours include so-called same-sex marriage, polygamy, incest, other types of polyamorous partnerships, and, as of late, sologamy.

Communities that support us in our most hard and challenging moments have been systematically destroyed in our day and age. It is believed that this trend will become even more popular in the coming years.